one completely confused girl…

uhh i dont know where to even start. when my husband hurts my feelings, he doesnt care. he seriously doesnt give a thought to it. im sick of it. i try communicating with him the best i can and it means nothing to him, but he sure as hell will let me know when im doing a bad job explaining to him how i feel. he will say he doesnt know how to talk to him and he will ask me to help but then when i try he feels all attacked. i cant win.

example:: (true story)

me: why dont we ever sex anymore? i know ive brought this up a million times, but nothing changes and you make me feel like theres something wrong with me.

LONGGGG silence follows

him: you really want to know?

me: yessss…

him: i would want to have sex with you, if i found you more sexually appealling.

me (heart currently resting on the floor): like how?

him: like how?

me: ya..

him: if you weighed less.

INSERT background story here:

when i met him i weighed like 135ish and then slowly i started putting on weight from all the drinking and party and not eating healthy or working out . i weight about 160 when we got pregnant with our daughter and then at delivery i was 208 
(yuck). a few weeks after giving birth i weight about 169, and i thought i was doing good but i just sorta stopped doing anything to help my weight lost so i gained some back, would lose some gain it back that whole deal.

this conversation has happened about 4 times in the last year. and im now really trying to lose weight (for myself) and it just seems like i cant get over him saying that. and he doesnt think theres anything wrong with him feeling that way or telling me. he thinks i need to quit crying about it and do something. 

at this point i am: working out and watching what i eat. he is helping support me by: letting my daughter climbing all over me as im wor

I want that nail polish!

I want that nail polish!

Ahhh yes, happens to often

Ahhh yes, happens to often

I haven’t been to the zoo since I was a kid

I haven’t been to the zoo since I was a kid

My loves <3

My loves <3

A little about me..

I was trying to figure out what I was gonna blog about, and I couldn’t decide on one thing. My mood is always changing. So I guess I plan on using this as a journal,a place to vent. My name is Vanessa, I’m 23 and I’m married to a man who can still take my breath away at times. We have a beautiful little girl named Rory, shes 15 months and is so smart it sometimes makes me tear up a bit. Things I enjoy and may show up here in my blog:

Reading ( I’m currently reading The Hunger Games series) Trying new recipes I’m trying to lose about 40lbs I crochet Love getting my nails done and/or painting them. I like painting I’m addicted to pinterest I wish I could shop more, I love buying new things Victorias secret and forever 21 are my fav stores I’m trying to be healthier I’m a stay at home mom (occasionally I nanny and clean houses) Chai tea is delish :)

There’s much more but I wouldn’t want to give it all away on the first day ;)

freedom: hemp for victory 2012

brandoncanterosblog:

not just hemp but marijuana and there is a difference, and if you think i didn’t need to clarify then your mistaken so many have been brain washed to think hemp such a vital plant to our lives could be outlawed. hemp was grown by our founders, paid taxes feed families, livestock, made clothes,…

Thanks for sharing, there was stuff in there I didn’t know or hadn’t thought of. Im Curious, have u heard anything about chia seeds? I keep seeing it everywhere.

Ur handsome ;)

Ur handsome ;)

(Source: brandoncanterosblog)